


Lost in You

by 203_508



Series: Class Project [21]
Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/203_508/pseuds/203_508
Summary: She looked into my eyes like she always did. Like she gets lost in them and can’t find a way out. Except it was different this time. It was the last time.“You’re so beautiful, I just wish you weren’t leaving me,” I said.But I knew as much as I wanted to be with her, as much as I wanted her to stay, it just couldn’t be.
Relationships: Rue Bennett & Lexi Howard, Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Series: Class Project [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926754
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Lost in You

**_Chapter 1_ **

I had known her my entire life. Always so beautiful, but so damaged. By the time she was 11, she was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses. However, everything took a turn for the worse when her dad died. That’s when the drugs began. She could never get enough of them. I did everything I could to help her, even if it meant peeing in a cup for her drug tests. My life was hanging by a thread when I heard of her overdose. The thought of losing her destroyed me. When she got out of rehab, I wanted to be there for her, comfort her, love her. But that’s when Jules came into the picture. Jules. Just as damaged in a completely different way. They brought out the best and the worst in each other. But Rue looked at her the way she never looked at me. She loved Jules. I could tell it was going to be a mess as soon as it began. But who was I to try and stop her from being happy? I supported her, knowing that I’d be the one to clean up the mess Jules would eventually leave. And it happened eventually. Jules left, like literally went, up, and ran to another city. Rue was a mess. All I could do was hold her. “Lexi, you’d never leave me, right?” I frowned. “No, Rue, I could never,” I was telling the truth. I loved her so much, and it that moment, I could do nothing but hold her. Make sure she knew I was there, and I wasn’t leaving. “I love you, Lexi,” she whispered to me. 

**_Chapter 2_ **

Rue had given me my very first kiss. It was freshman year, and I told her I was nervous about kissing Tucker Blake at the freshman formal since he had asked me and had somewhat of a crush on me. She offered to practice with me, and she kissed me. That was it. It was the moment I fell in love with her. I didn’t even end up kissing Tucker Blake. Rue was the only person I wanted to kiss. “Good Morning” I didn't even notice she was awake. “Hey, how did you sleep?” I asked her. “Not great, all I can think about is Jules.” Ah yes, Jules. I almost forgot. “Come on, Rue, you need to get out of bed, it’s been almost a week.” She frowned and dropped down in the bed dramatically. I laughed. “Rue, it’s not funny, you smell bad” She gave me a fake shocked look, “How dare you,” she said in an exaggerated voice. I hugged her. She really did smell awful, though. I grabbed her hand. “Come on. I’m giving you a bath” I knew she had no energy to do this herself. She looked as bad as she did when she overdosed. I undressed her, tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I lit up candles, dimmed the lights. I tried to make this the most relaxing experience it could be. After all, she deserved it with everything she had been through. “Okay, you can get in now,” I said. I then lathered her body in soap. She was so thin now. She had barely eaten in the last week. “Close your eyes” I washed her beautiful curly hair, ran my fingers through it, and looked at her. I wanted to kiss her so badly right now, but I knew this wasn’t about what I wanted, but what she needed. “Okay, Rue, we’re all done” She smiled at me, but then that smile changed to a puzzled look. “Why are you doing this, Lexi?” she said. I honestly didn’t know how to answer. “You need me, Rue, I’m always here when you need me.” 

She was in her bedroom while I was in the kitchen fixing a snack. I didn’t want to try and attempt a whole meal because I know she would not keep it down. Yup, some cheese, and crackers would do. I took them to her. She was on her phone, texting Jules again, I assumed. “Still, no luck?” I asked. “The number has been disconnected.” She then started crying. I just held her and pushed her hair out of her face. “It’s going to be okay, baby, and I promise,” I whispered. 

**_Chapter 3_ **

I remember talking to Cassie about you. She didn’t know I was talking about you, but I told her I needed to tell someone I loved them and didn’t know how. I was on my way, ready to say to you when I found you a mess. You were crying and screaming, and I knew at that moment that I had to set all my feelings aside and be your friend. I picked you up off the ground and put you in your bed. It took you forever to find the words to explain what happened, and even though I understood that she had to leave, her life had become too much. I could not help but resent her. She had broken you. After days of trying to get you to eat, I had finally convinced you to let me cook for you. After debating on what a good meal for you would be, I decided to make spaghetti. Even though you didn’t love the idea of eating, you loved spaghetti, so it wasn’t too hard to get you to eat it. You smiled at me. You hadn’t done that in a while. 

**_Chapter 4_ **

It had been four weeks since Jules left. Rue was doing better. She was eating, laughing. She still refused to leave her room, though. But that was going to change today. “What do you mean we’re going on a picnic, Lexi? Are you insane?” I was determined, though. She could not change my mind. I had prepared a picnic basket full of snacks, some veggie sandwiches, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I drove to a local park with a fantastic view of a lake, where you could see all the ducks swimming. I knew Rue would love this. After 30 minutes of groaning and whining, she got out of the car and sat down in the blanket I had laid out. “This is nice,” she said. We sat down and talked for what seemed like hours until there was a sudden silence. “Lexi, I know you’re in love with me” I didn't know what to say. I was so shocked, and suddenly I found myself kissing her. “You should have told me this when I was still alive, kissed me when I was alive, held me when I was alive,” Rue responded. At that moment, I realized my mistakes. No matter how much I wanted to be with her, fall in love, move to a big city, get a cat or two, start a family, it was too late. She was gone. 

**_Chapter 5_ **

I woke up to my reality. That being that after Jules left, you relapsed. You died with 2000 micrograms of fentanyl in your system. I needed to say goodbye in a way and had been daydreaming about what could have been if I had not taken so long and told you how I felt about you. I needed to do this one last time, so I closed my eyes and thought about you, and I could feel you, I could see you. She looked into my eyes like she always did. Like she gets lost in them and can’t find a way out. Except it was different this time. It was the last time. “You’re so beautiful, I just wish you weren’t leaving me,” I said. But I knew as much as I wanted to be with her, as much as I wanted her to stay, it just couldn’t be. I needed to let go. It had been three months since you passed away, and all I could do was let you rest. I love you, babe. Always.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are ♥


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